So, one of my best friends has a blog, and while I may not be the best at it, I am in love with writing. I think getting my feelings written down somewhere would help me a lot. So I decided it might be a good idea. Everything in my life is really beginning to change so I thought it would be cool to document and be able to look back. Recently my boyfriend left on deployment in the Marines, and i won't sugar coat it..it's tough. I didn't intend to fall for Chase, and i had no idea I would meet someone so amazing and have to say goodbye so soon. I know a lot of people would say we're being irrational, that we're too young. But I can tell you one thing. I have never been so completely certain about anything in my life. I went through some very unhealthy relationships before I met my marine. One inparticular, the boy I never truly got over until recently. It was a day to day sort of thing, does he care today? Will he still care tomorrow? Deep down I knew who I wanted, and for some reason I honestly thought I could change him into that person. I learned you can't make someone into who you want them to be. If someone treats you bad, don't expect it to change. Once things went even more downhill, I gave up. That's when Chase walked into my life. We both find it so weird that we had a lot of the same friends, went to the same school, but never once noticed eachother. Call it what you want, but we like to call it fate.
Goodbyes are never easy. So we didn't say goodbye. See you soon sounds so much better. It has been a month now. Somedays it seems so much longer though. So, I made myself a goal to do one thing for myself at the end of each month. One month it may be getting my hair done, another my nails or a new outfit. I figure this way I have something short term to look forward to each month he is gone. It will keep my mind off how long I have left because I will be excited for the end of the month to come, and it will make me look good for when he get's back home. Win win situation right? I also really look forward to the phone calls every weekend. Usually he will call around 1 and we don't hang up til 4 or 5 in the morning my time. The call goes by so quickly though, and we can talk about nothing at all and it's still my favorite conversation I have ever had.
When I think ahead, I get really worried. With a marine you have no idea where they are going to be in the future because it depends on the world, and what is going on in that period of time. Thinking about Chase ever going into battle scares me to death, these men come close to danger all the time. We were talking about it last night and it came to me that every marine that falls, is someones son, someones boyfriend, someones husband, cousin, best friend, grandfather.. What if it was MY boyfriend? HIS father's son, HIS sister's brother. I can't even imagine what marines go through, they have the hardest job in the world. I look up to Chase so much. And the fact that he is doing what he is, and at the end of the day he is more concerned about my day, and what i'm feeling. I am the luckiest girl in the world. I love my marine, he is my everything. Which is why i'm here, waiting. He is worth the wait.
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